So today I find myself sitting here on my computer thinking about how far I've come in my journey. I am very proud of myself; If I hadn't gone through any hardships, I wouldn't be who I am right now. This is getting me thinking that I should post a little something more about myself and who I am.
About a year after I finished high school I noticed myself beginning to really think about what I wanted to do in life (as many young people do). I thought I knew; I was at Douglas College in the Bachelor of Physical Education to become a high school PE teacher. I tried to shake the feelings off and told myself I was doing the right thing: studying to have a successful career.
One day in mid September of 2008 I found I couldn't ignore these feelings any more and I had a mental breakdown, skipped classes for the day and went to one of the only places I felt familiar and comfortable: back to Queen Elizabeth Secondary where I graduated high school. I spoke to one of my old teachers, one of the councellors and to the vice principal about how I was feeling and they could only give suggestions. They were quite shocked that I was feeling like this. I was a straight A, honour role, role model student that pretty much played every sport I could and looked like I had everything planned and laid out for myself in life.
I ended up dropping out of my classes that semester and decided to have some time off for myself. I read and played video games mostly, my escape. These feelings were quite persistent and I wasn't ready to face them head on yet, they seemed to go deeper than just what I wanted to do in life.
It was around this time I also noticed something funny about my eye sight. It seemed blurry or less clear, if you will. I went to the eye doctor and I was told I had 20/20 vision, there was nothing wrong. Confusing.
In late summer of 2009 I decided I had to take action and do something to make me happier. So, I decided that I wanted to go horseback riding as I have loved horses forever. One of the best decisions I have ever made, by the way. Every time I got up on a horse I felt myself as a child: the freedom, the wonder and adventure! Here we go, I thought, this is a great starting point! I made loads of new friends and I even began to work at the barn the next year. One of the ladies I met while riding even offered me a job at Moxie's Bar and Grill in Guildford (which I am happily still working at today!). I also met a girl named Jen, who I worked with at the barn as well as Kat who is my horseback riding instructor.
One day, I went back to my old high school to visit one of my teachers and she gave me a book called "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting." It is all to do with positive thinking and doing things you love. It also got in to a little bit of energy work and how positive thinking creates positive energy.
I began to read it and found it very interesting and I was happy I could apply it to my life. I even mentioned it to Kat one day while I was riding. I asked her if she believed in "the energy thing." She said oh yeah I do, you know, Jen is an Intuitive Medium and Channeler. I froze. Holy &%*# I thought. I've been working with this girl for months at the barn and she hasn't said a thing about this. I was so scared and terrified, I went in to a fit of worrying. She must know everything I'm thinking and she knows I've got issues!
I confronted her one day and she smiled and said yeah I do that. That's pretty much all she said. I wanted to question her to the end of the Earth but I was too nervous and scared at the time so I left it, but every time I was around her, I quickly went into a worrying fit.
More time passed and Kat noticed that my hips were out of place while I was riding. She suggested that I go to Jen, as she can do energy work and healing as well. I thought about it and I talked to Jen. She said we could set something up. I was glad to have an excuse to talk to her about something that didn't have to do with what I was thinking and feeling.
The energy healing on my hips never even happened. I never got back to her about it but after a little while I finally plucked up the courage to ask her if we could have a session just on me, my feelings and my thoughts. I was finally ready to confront myself. She looked at me and said I wondered when I was going to start working with you. I asked her why she didn't tell me this sooner. Because YOU had to come to me, not the other way around.
The day I walked into Jen's office and healing room was one of the most nerve racking days in my entire life. I was so scared that I could have turned and run 1,000 times, but I didn't. I decided I just wanted to tell her everything I was feeling and thinking and how scared I was. I had no idea what was going on and why I felt like my world was falling apart. What I was really terrfied about was why I didn't feel like me.
I cried and cried and cried while she did energy work. She explained that I've been blocking my true self with silly self expectations and other people's expectations. The reason I felt like I couldn't see as well as I used to when I was younger: all this unnecessary energy build up. It all came back to me and that I was hiding who I really was. It was like a milky film over glass and my inner self was shouting behind this glass. After my first energy session, we went downstairs and I gasped: everything was at least ten times brighter than it was when I walked in.
The next week I walked in, another mind blowing experience for me. I looked right at a collection of rocks and minerals she had brought in. I couldn't keep my eyes off them. I was really into rocks and minerals when I was young. I smiled and said those are really pretty. Jen looked at me and said in a mildly surprised tone, oh that's why I brought those. She picked up a mineral that looked like an orange and handed it to me. This one you should hold. Again, I was crying by the end of the session. You used to really like rocks, she said. A fresh wave of tears came over me. I know, I replied. On the way out, I was staring at this mineral she'd given me (Honey Calcite). I kept giggling and I couldn't explain it. It's like the crystal was talking to me and telling me things I've always known, but had forgotten (which, later I found out that it was lol). Jen's eyes went really bright and she smiled as she watched me.
The next few weeks were amazing. I'd realized I'd found my long lost true passion: Crystals, rocks, minerals, stones, etc. Jen said she's never met anyone so attuned to crystals. I had no idea what she was talking about, but then I realized it probably meant that was the reason I felt like I was home when I was around them. And so began my journey with crystals and healing my inner self.
During another energy session around Christmas time, Jen did an oracle card reading for me. One of the cards that popped up was "New Love." NO FREAKING WAY did I think I was ready for that. I thought that to be in a relationship, I should be completely 100% confident in who I was. I still had a long way to go. Never in a million years did I think that the person I was in a relationship with could actually help me find me.
I started seeing someone who worked in the kitchen at Moxie's named Travis. He's a sweet, fantastic and amazing person. I've always been terrified of relationships though, so I was very cautious. I slowly started to let my guard down though, I noticed I never had to try to be someone who isn't me. I did try at first, but I noticed that it was uncomfortable for me and so unnecessary. I'd never felt like that before. It was so easy being me around him. He likes me for exactly who I am and I like him for exactly who he is. A few months past and I realized I was in love with him and always was. Never have I felt a love like this before. It will always be him, he is home.
It's been two and half years and we are now happily living together<3
This has been one huge roller coaster ride for me and it's been a blast! It will never stop! As I'm sure you've all seen, I am now a Certified Crystal Healing Practitioner and I may even go back to university to get a degree in Geology. I am volunteering at a little metaphysical shop in Cloverdale called Gypsy Moon where I have met some more amazingly wonderful friends (Shoutout to Annabelle and Denise in particular!). I'm still doing meditation and energy sessions with Jen, my awesome mentor and life coach. Oh and I'm still horseback riding (loving it!) and I'm going to be competing in my first ever three day event at Campbell Valley Park in Langley in August this summer (I'm terrified and nervous but it'll be so awesome!).
Coco is my horse partner who I'm competing with!
Oh and if you are interested, I am a vendor selling my crystals at the BC Renaissance Festival in Langley at Thunderbird Show Park from Thursday July 19th to Sunday July 22nd as well as the Pagan Pride Festival at Hawthorne Park in Surrey on Saturday August 18th! Come out and enjoy the fun!
